When I get my head on straight I'll tell ya

You wonder why I call you bitch

This one will fall under the introspective tier of Primal posts. I was talking to a friend earlier and she was discussing having a N moment, and I was like “if you didn’t call them a Bitch Ass Nigga” with extra juice on the “Ass” it wasn’t a true N moment. She mentions that it’s like me and not using the word bitch, which I had to slightly correct her and say that I don’t NORMALLY use the word bitch to refer to women, but bitch is like my fifth favorite cuss word so I do use it all the time. Of course this brings up a little conundrum well who do I normally call bitches if I use it all the time and I don’t use it towards women? That’s a very good question and I am going to expand on that here(you know the blog where I can curse all day long).

First and foremost it isn’t that I never call women “bitches” that would be a bald face lie, I just reserve the right to call a woman a bitch until she has earned it. If I called you a bitch and you’re a woman it means you took days, weeks and months to earn that bitch. I’m talking we had some sort of regular interaction and you constantly showed your ass and I don’t mean by pulling your pants down or your skirt up, oh no you were funky motherfucking attitude central. You caused me to have to catch myself a few times going off, because I will admit my wife was an extremely calming influence on me before our separation. Oh yes, things that normally set my temper off and had me reducing your to an embarrassed speck were now looked at through the lens of “I’m a married man and while I could still give a fuck about a job I do have a family to feed, so let’s be tactful about cussing them out instead of just cussing them out”.  Oh I could cuss you out 3 or 4 times without calling you a bitch, hell bitch wouldn’t even come out in my head but before it would take til like the 7th time that you became a bitch now I think it’s the 12. And that still takes REGULAR interaction, oh and by the way I don’t mean internet interaction(for women). Personally I am well aware that most times people who pop off at the mouth on the net are church mice in person, I’m the same in either place. Yes if you piss me off I will go after you in person or online I don’t give an 8th of a fuck that it took to make ya ass but I fully recognize that you are probably a punk if you are taking it to the nth degree and still ain said shit.  Now enough about me and women with the word bitch

Guys, now see this is different see if I’m calling you a bitch and you’re a dude it means that to ME you have displayed bitch like qualities. Now to some you may be about to jump in with some backwards ass bullshit like “oh well doesn’t that mean you actually call women bitches” listen ya dumb fuck, I just said I don’t even think of the word bitch and woman in the same sentence EXCEPT for a few special well-earned cases, so of course it has nothing to do with a HUMAN female. Yeah I said human, I mean the things MOST people call a woman a bitch about I find kind of petty:

  • You didn’t fuck me-so, I don’t find observing wise/selective breeding or sexual partner choices as being a bad thing, if I ain ya type I’m somebody else’s Holla.
  • You are strong-willed or opinionated- pfft, I’m strong-willed and opinionated just because you ALSO happen to own a pussy doesn’t mean you have to be dumb
  • You’re my boss or have a better job than me-if somebody calls you a bitch because of that, let’s just say there was a bitch and a real muffuka involved in a conversation and unless they have actually displayed some REAL bitch like behavior the successful one wasn’t it.
  • You didn’t kiss my ass/bow to my ego-see not fucking me.  The only person responsible for how I feel about me or the day I am having is me. I am fully versed in how to tell you to “eat a dick” if I feel you are encroaching upon grounds that you don’t belong.
  • You wouldn’t speak to me-I speak out of courtesy, if you don’t respond hey I was still courteous whatever reason you didn’t is on you. And if you give me attitude hey, still no fault of mind keep lashing out at kindness and don’t be surprised when you become surrounded by ignorance

Now if that’s not why I call a woman bitch, then why would I call a dude bitch:because you engaged in behavior that I feel is similar to a female dog, or just a mangy animal regardless of gender. Okay of course that would require examples right so:

  1. Acting territorial of shit you don’t NORMALLY give a fuck about- If you have tossed some shit aside and acted like it wasn’t shit and you could give a fuck about it but somebody else picks it up. Yeah my Mom’s old cocker used to do that shit, turned her nose up at it, kicked it to the side flat-out acted like she wouldn’t shit or piss on it until another dog went to play with it, then it was Grrr, swipe, claw, “I wish a muffuka would”.  Bitch shit
  2. Starting that “I told you so” Shit- If we are working together or you see me doing something and you haven’t deigned to lift a finger and then when I run into a problem or else run out of time and you start telling me what you WOULD have done, you’re a bitch. If you could have then you would have, don’t talk about it be about it. That’s why I tell people shit up front and USUALLY free of charge. I’d rather help you than pretend to be better than you, I’ll give you a suggestion but you have to pay the consequences so hold your own counsel. I ain got to pay the fee so why am I talking if I’m not gonna help
  3. Back stabbing- If you ain gonna help, stay the fuck out the way. If you want my spot let me fail on my own I don’t need ya fuckin help and if I fail bring ya ass on and prove you can do better. Just don’t be running around me sabotaging shit, laying traps, or just trying to cut my knees out because you afraid you can’t do it head up. I prefer to stand on my own two feet, if I can do it fine but I’m not going to quit until I have given it my all.
  4. Being a Hype man- Don’t sit there throwing gasoline on a situation just because you are bored. Depending on my mood I might just recommend the other parties turn and start whoopin your ass, and if it’s me and another party I will excuse myself from that situation to focus DIRECTLY on you. Most times a hype man has PUSSY stamped on their:Forehead, Heart, Arm, Back and Spine. You sitting there talking because you’re scared to do a damn thing yourself so you want to weasel your way in and act like you COULD do something if it wasn’t for the fact that you are a punk, pussy ass, bitch. If there was a bitch totem pole you would be the top, middle and the part under the ground, you’re such a bitch that if muffukas stop to tell you to shut up BEFORE they start fighting you cower like a kicked puppy, you know what I’m giving that kinda BITCH more attention then they deserve. You find one whoop they ass and keep it moving, shit make whooping their ass ya peace pipe moment, You’ll feel so much better afterwards. By the way I say hype MAN but it could be a hype WOMAN too, sitting there egging you on because she has a bone to pick for whatever bitter ass reason
  5. Trying to get the one and ONLY lick- If you and somebody else engage in something or you are doing something and somebody else comes in doing the same thing don’t go runtelldat. That’s bitch shit, if they are:better than you at it, bust you, say something yo u have no come back for, get the crowd behind them, have more of it, have better quality, have more fun, you feel threatened, you feel outclassed, you feel insecure, or any other bullshit ass reasons why it was cool two seconds ago when you started it but now, oh NOW it’s unacceptable cause they are doing it, YOU A BITCH.

Now no these aren’t the SOUL reasons I might call you a bitch, I mean if you are being excessively whiny like a beggin ass dog you might get called a bitch, if you are blowing shit the fuck out of proportion BIIIIITCH, if you get hyper offended over bullshit just because people MIGHT have some sympathy for ya lame ass YOU A BITCH. I’m not saying you can’t get offended, I am saying if somebody apologizes be gracious enough to accept it. If somebody acknowledges that they made a mistake(may not want to go all the way to the APOLOGY phase but they do acknowledge their misstep) don’t keep going full blast, remember that they didn’t apologize, make sure you don’t deal with them until they respect the fact that you deserve your apology but don’t keep harping on the shit. Ignoring a muffuka is far more effective than constantly blasting somebody for something they said 5 years ago UNLESS, they keep compounding the issue. If they haven’t learned how to shut the fuck up, give the bitch what they want both feet firmly planted in their ass. Are there exceptions to these rules of course, can you fuck around and catch me on a bad day yup. If you catch me on a bad day and ignore the signs guess what I DON’T GIVE A FUCK. If I kinda let you slide on shit that normally I would bust you on and I let you get up a head of steam understand, I’m in a bad mood. I’m in such a bad mood that under NORMAL circumstances I would feel bad about going off on you the way that I am about to, that is UNTIL ya ass doesn’t shut the fuck up. Because see then you are no longer an innocent victim, oh no see then my silly little bitch you become that muffuka ASKING for it, and you know what I believe in?


That’s right, you want to be a part of “The SHOW” well I’m gonna put ya monkey ass front and center, I’m going to go off on you like it’s my motherfuckin job, and if you catch me in a normally professional situation I might not use a single cuss word, but you still gonna feel like a damn fool when I get done. Oh and did I mention if I do the NON cuss you out version you will THANK ME for cussing you out, oh yes it’s true. I will read you up and fucking down the damn street so hard that not only will your head swim, but ya ass will fly, your teeth will rattle, and your ears will wish you had shut the fuck up when you had the chance. I will make you admit to the extreme level of your fucking stupidity before I am done, and if you don’t like me bitch so the fuck what, you could have left it alone a long damn time ago, you didn’t so here I is however I was initial planning to vent my frustration you have no become it. And understand something, I’m the type who will deal with shit in it’s on time, but if I get an early chance to take care of it won’t be no questions as to if, and, or why. I may not have been PLANNING to go off on you, but now that I have the chance shit why hold back, obviously you thought you were hot shit, and I ain got no dixie cups and obviously ya diarrhea of the mouth was explosive, so let me spit my shit and see how well you take it.

These are the ones off the top of my head, there may be other reasons, I’m sure some may say that they’ve been the subject of said rants for less, AND. these are guidelines muffukas sometimes shit doesn’t go EXACTLY as you expect and you go with your gut. If I have to apologize for calling you a bitch later I will, but you might be a bitch a few times before you get that damn apology and I don’t give a hot fuck if you ain cool with that.

2 responses

  1. Pingback: Diagnosis is in…I Grew Big Hairy Balls « LEMONFACE

  2. Pingback: AaronVoreck.com » Women,… Why I don’t understand them,…

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