When I get my head on straight I'll tell ya

Sausage sales have been postpone for the foreseeable future

Dear Ladies, I get it I do. As a man, I take a peak when I see the zipper of a skirt down or up a little high, I marvel at the space between a missed button but I ALWAYS QUIETLY inform the lady in question of her predicament. I am after all a gentleman, perverted yes, but still a gentleman so I will like to ask you: COULD YOU PLEASE TELL A BROTHER WHEN HIS FLY IS OPEN. Nah, don’t giggle I know what you looking for but you ain gonna get it. Not because there ain nothing down there, but because I wear BOXER BRIEFS that’s right gals there is an extra flap protecting the merchandise from just flopping out all willy nilly. This is the second day I have walked into a bathroom after being in a room full of women to find my fly SLIGHTLY down.

Come on now, that is embarrassing. I mean it isn’t as bad as that one time in Lenny’s sub shop Lawd, those ladies were so ruthless. It appears a brother popped a button on his pants, so here I am package on display not even remotely aware. Because while a zipper will hold your pants up without the button on the top gravity has extra leverage to work it’s magic. I mean I am standing there walking around ordering my food, no idea that my pants are just flapping open(I had a jacket on), not until I slid into a seat to wait for my food to be ready to the part of my pants that the button held on to touch my hand.

And would you know what my first reaction after the initial shock was? Ya damn right, I start looking again at all the ladies in the restaurant who appeared to have friendly smiles. Damn perverts ALL of Them, smh. Now one young lady was on a date and was giving me the stink eye, which of course as I don’t know ya ass why would I think “OMG she is giving me the stink eye because she is staring at my dick, oh for shame my penis offends her!!!” why would I think that? Seriously I know we guys are proud of whatever we may have been blessed with, but half the time we really don’t think yall are looking. And they are in underwear unless we are wearing regular boxers, and even then until we get hit with that quick breeze, WE DON’T KNOW OUR FLY’S ARE OPEN. Unless we happen to walk in front of a mirror, or see some sort of video footage that hits below the waist we are OBLIVIOUS to anything going on down that besides a little stiffness. Why? Because it’s where it is supposed to be, in our underwear.

Now yes, thanks to the internet we realize that yall love sweatpants season guess what… It ain sweatpant season, don’t do me like that just a little lean over and a “hey baby, your fly is open” will suffice. Don’t go screaming that shit so that your dead ancestors can hear you, that’s trifling and I wouldn’t do you like that. I’ve said this before, yall shady. Is it really so hard? Yes maybe I’ll hit you with a “Why you looking?” it’s okay, it’s an ice breaker that is obviously an embarrassing moment but at least I can thank you properly but nah yall just gone have me POTENTIALLY hanging all out selling tube steak to the masses. And it’s always the same feeling, smh “were they looking and waiting,” “did they see?” “What did they see?” and then finally “Why the hell ain they tell me?” now yes I know some are sitting there going *gasp* “No, not me”, about to grab your church hats and fans but if I follow your eyes in gray sweatpant season, “the lawd is my shepherd and he knows what I wants.” Just WRONG, sad, I was just trying to get my job done for the day, yall waiting to see if I got a vienna, a hot dog, a smoked sausage, or a kielbasa smh.

For Shame…..

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