When I get my head on straight I'll tell ya

The Naked chicken Chalupa

As fast food companies are want to do, Taco Bell is experimenting with a new food: The naked Chicken Chalupa. Of course you are asking what is that? I don’t know if the ads are running yet but that crispy bit of deliciousness right there is a piece of chicken(most likely breast), bent into the shape of a taco, FRIED, filled with lettuce, tomato, cheese, and guacamole. And it was delicious, the only thing I would have added to it was bacon, just that little bit of extra crispy, salty, snap and this thing would have been the last thing you needed to eat before death.


This is of course not the FIRST time anybody tried to chicken into the outside of your sandwich, the KFC Doublicious did, and it was good but really greasy and messy. The Naked Chicken Chalupa seems to have hit the perfect balance, now I may have just gotten mine made by a chalupa master, remember those tacos with the pepperjack cheese in the shells? Some of them had cheese in every bite and some it was like the person making them was pissed off you even ordered them. I got the 5 dollar big box so I got the Chalupa, a drink, a Doritos Locos Taco(regular which I think was a failure, never really caught the full Doritos taste, plus your fingers aren’t orange), a regular taco(I forgot to tell the cashier soft so my bad). I hope this one is permanently added to the menu because it lives up to the hype, each bite is crunchy and savory, the chicken mixes well with the toppings, and doesn’t leave your hand greasy.

Now yes, I admit there was a chance this wouldn’t taste right. There was a chance(like the doublicious) that it would be extremely greasy and make it hard to touch anything later. I don’t mind taking gastrointestinal chances from time to time, every once in a while you are rewarded. Granted the others you are either letting the food fall out of your mouth in disgust or else stuck to a toilet bemoaning you bad life choices. I was going to do a segment called “Flaming Ass Awards” basically for the times when I ate something that burned me in the end LITERALLY. We USED to call them Pablo moments(because the chefs name was Pablo), for one of the cooks at a customers store the man made some of the BEST food you ever ate, til 2 hours later when you ran to the toilet cursing his name because it was coming out hot. Whether it be a drink, a dessert, a new food item, or even just a new place I like to be adventurous and if my adventures cost me a night blowing my guts out, I remember it clearly and NEVER go back. Like no bullshit there is an Arby’s I have not eaten at in 11 years, they gave me food poisoning once I was done fucking with them.

Enough about nasty food, this naked chicken chalupa don’t know nothing bout that. Like I said, I would have added some bacon but if this got added to the permanent menu say like the grilled stuft burrito did I would have no problem with it. Hell I wouldn’t mind another one.


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