When I get my head on straight I'll tell ya

My full thoughts on the Deadpool 2 teaser

I mentioned it on the Ponderings but lets get into detail about it, because it was fucking awesome. You are walking it to what is most likely Fox’s version of either Skid Row OR Hell’s Kitchen(because technically in Marvel Hell’s Kitchen now called Clinton is the worst part of the city), some random guy in a pair of jeans, boots, and a hoodie is walking down the street with a backpack on. Out of no where you hear muffled music, and then two guys arguing as one is robbing the other. What happens next is a good 48 seconds of absolute stupidity. “Motherfuckers” are dropping left and right, the thief tells his current victim, “Give me your wallet Motherfucker!” Wade (with St. Elmos fire blasting from his headphones) says, “Not on my watch Motherfucker” and then, inexplicably Wade runs to a phone booth, a PHONE BOOTH. Bruh why? Like dude everyone knows who Deadpool is, Wade W. Wilson with his lasagna faced ass.

Of course once he gets into the phone booth the ICONIC Superman music starts playing because yup, Deadpool is trolling Superman. Wade pulls off his backpack, starts pulling his clothes off and his costume on. And this isn’t a fade to black moment, no no you get to see ass cheeks pressed against the opaque glass where if you wish to look away you can see the words “Nathan Summers is coming” written in red on top of the booth OR you can look at the theater in the background which is cheekily playing Logan cause why not. Supposedly it says hope in this trailer somewhere but I was too busy listening to the background convo, which I won’t ruin for you but yes it is up to Deadpool level ridiculousness.

Somehow Wade has pulled on his pants and is trying to pull on his top WITH SWORDS PRE ATTACHED, because fuck logic that’s why. I guess Wade is having a problem finishing up the full transformation because he stops MID Costume change to call Laird(if I misspelled your name sir I apologize), the guy who USUALLY helps him get into costume. Unfortunately Laird is not available so Wade has to finish up on his own when, OH NO! A shot rings out, you see Deadpool look out of the phone booth(in mask) and then Heroically he hops out, strikes a Running Hero Pose. We get a Stan Lee cameo(what, Stan Lee is awesome) to which Deadpool breaks the fourth wall and calls him Stan Lee. He runs over and of course realizes that he is too late. There is a Logan poster behind Deadpool as he is looking at the poor soul that he failed to save. Deadpool, then looks down at this mans bleeding body and begins to talk to both the dead body and we the audience. Explaining that we are missing the true point, why is a PHONE BOOTH on that corner? Like weren’t the removed in the least century, he also steals the man’s Cherry Garcia ice cream, mainly because he is dead and doesn’t need it. On top of that as the screen fades to black we hear Deadpool talking shit about other heroes and their quick change ability in phone booths, and then he focuses on Wolverine and his lack of traditional costume. Jeans and a tank top, a little perspiration, something about hug a Koala day, and then you get a scroll of text that you should not look up.

It’s Deadpool people, you are being trolled I don’t care if you THINK it’s important you are being trolled. I mean you can look it up if you want, I was ALMOST about to spoil it for you but no if you are crazy enough to trust ANY crawl attached to Deadpool you deserve the shame you feel after falling for it. He ran a check your Walnuts/Happy Sack commercial people why would you trust him?

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