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I’m gonna need Sony to get a better preshow


Like bruh that preshow was drier than a fucking saltine cracker. The shit I caught was so “who gives a fuck?” when even your announce team can’t sound hyped about the shit you are trying to get them to show either you hire a new team or else give them some FUN SHIT TO TALK ABOUT. Wow a PSVue commercial, I think Microsoft broke their brains. Welp it looks like the new Uncharted game, Lost Legacy. Looks like a Tomb Raider killer(though I didn’t know anyone wanted poor Laura dead). Okay, this looks fun an expansion pack for Horizon Zero Dawn. Okay, they are trying to copy Microsoft’s game after game format from last night. Might have worked out better if they had put it on “Live from Playstation” and there are lots of frame rate drops, though it could be the amount of devices I have on my internet(somebody needs a new more powerful router).

They are showing off the biker game again, and they have dead bodies as props hanging behind the screen on stage ooookay. Days Gone, it’s an interesting looking Zombie Survival game(which really aren’t my thing but I will admit when they look good) the quick time events were pretty smooth, okay maybe it was the channel I was watching because it had some weird person talking over Shawn.  Had to switch that, I guess I picked the wrong playstation feed. It’s kind of funny Microsoft used the same stage as last year and Sony is using the same theater guy with a giant sword on his back I wonder what game this is… Monster Hunter World Meh.

I will expand on each of these later I am actually blogging this as I watch. Looks like they either remastered or else made a sequel to Shadow of the Colossus. Must be a remaster didn’t say 2. They also showed off Call of Duty WW2 and Marvel vs Capcom Infinite. Then we got Skyrim VR because you wanted to pay them for Skyrim again admit it. Another VR game called Star Child. This is the VR portion of the show, they just showed off a game called Inpatient, and now FFXV VR Monster of the Deep okay fishing was always fun in FFXI, this MIGHT be cool. (more…)


Bethesdaland, hey hey they called it that


Bethesda started off their show with the kids of some of their content creators. Then the CEO came out which after the year they have had of course he is happy to do as many victory laps as you allow. They start off with a new VR offering which I still ain sold on VR yet so this game looks alright but I ain worried about it even. Doom VFR hmm okay and second up is apparently Fallout 4 VR which they talked about last year, not a surprise but hey it is still pretty looking. Then they go to Elder Scrolls Online Morrowind. Again when I tell you these are nothing but victory laps for Bethesda they made a lot of bets last year and most of them paid off in spades.

Now they are talking about all the mods that have been downloaded for PS4 and Xbox one, uh oh Creation Club. Bethesda is finding a new way to get all of your money, just give them accesss to your bank account now, they are coming for you duckets. Now Bethesda is talking about a strategy card game: Elder Scrolls Legends:Heroes of Skyrim. I guess hearing that people actually liked Gwent and downloaded the preview gave them license to gone ahead and get up in that genre. Looks like it is just for mobile though interesting call. (more…)


Microsofts E3 part 2


if you read the earlier post you see that Microsoft brought the games to E3 2017, not some of the unfortunate canceled titles from 2016 but a whole range of new ones with all different levels of Experiences being offered. Now understand for the most part this isn’t the grand daddy show oh no Microsoft I believe is going to do it again on either Tuesday or Wednesday this was basically just “Hey this is our new hardware and the games we will be showing off this week.” And with 42 games in all they have created quite a buzz. Anyway next up on the list was

Cuphead, this game has been kicking around for a few years it looks like an old school cartoon I mean early days of color style cartoon. It was just a quick reminder and a release date but it is nice to see an anticipated game come out instead of being canceled(say like Scalebound, that game looked cool as shit). It’s basically a side scrolling shooter but it could be fun.

Crackdown 3, crackdown one was a fun game that we all liked til my 360 broke, Crackdown 2 came out and became the game that NOBODY talked about(I guess I could look it up) I didn’t get a chance to play it because my Xbox 360 finally died and I wanted a blu ray player so I got a PS3. The action proposes to be more over the top and they have PROMISED fully destructible environments, it has a release date now so lets see if they can deliver. And with Terry Crews as one of the voice actors you know you will be constantly hyped up, as you can see in the trailer he is having way too much fun in his shiny outfit. Yall den gave TC a big gun, a microphone and told him go HAM smh it’s like they want a Cole Train in Crackdown 3. Come on now I know as you level up so does your gear “Step up your Boom” though, have they not seen an Old Spice commercial? (more…)


Xbox One X? XOX tired of the Bone jokes are we Microsoft?


Not that the term Xbone X won’t become a thing, cause it probably will, looks sweet though. And yes, yes I know how game fanboys are people are gonna be all about “specs mean nada, what about the games” welp as Phil announced 22 exclusives with double X enhanced experiences(Hmm the XX I like it, almost porno graphic yup they had to see this coming). Now to be fair, I got so bored trying to wait for the conference to start that I missed the beginning of the show so I watched someone else’s live stream and wound it back. I wanted to make sure I got the console name right before I started Blogging about it. SO the important shit:

The Xbox One X is smaller(it’s barely larger than the controller I guess they got tired of the SIZE comments cause people only like their Dicks, Tits, Asses and TV’s big smh), it looks sleeker, comes in an almost either matte black or else Gun Metal Gray. It is also Launching as a Scorpio(IE between October 22 and November 21), they didn’t keep the name but at least they dropped it around the right time. I know I am currently watching the mixer stream, but they are dropping these exclusives like crazy, a new Metro(which I will get into detail with later), Forza 7, Deep Rock Galactic, State of Decay 2, The Darwin Project, okay and now they are talking about a minecraft update. It almost looks like Microsoft is saying “take your claims of 4k gaming not being possible and our lack of games along with your PS4 Pro, without a 4k bluray player even though Sony makes it, turn that sum bitch sideways and shove it straight up your ass. (more…)


Watching the EA replay for E3 2017


I haven’t played Fifa since it debuted back in the 90’s, I guess that Fifa 2017’s story mode was of so awesomely appreciated that they have moved it to Madden 18. Which of course is interesting since a “build you own player from scratch mode” has been a part of 2k for at least 4 years now. Granted, 2k had to go all out in Basketball because EA bought sole rights to American Football way back in the day. Let’s be real, Madden almost ALWAYS looks good, it’s EA’s meal ticket and it gets MOST of their resources. Madden has been that shit since it was Sega versus Nintendo, epic all nighters where your ordered pizza, wings, and possibly bought beer if you were legal. Now of course Football is football save for a few rules changes here and there, players getting older, and teams changing, it is pretty much the same year after year.

EA’s next offer was Battlefield, they are about to add the Russian front. To be honest I didn’t buy battlefield one, I am not a big fan of the musket style weapons, thus anything older than like the 1960’s I tend to avoid. I see that people have had fun with it, I ain mad, it looks cute but it just ain my bag. They do appear to be going ahead and adding more content and detail though which is always good, I am happy that in this newer digital age that a game is no longer old and finished after you buy it. I like updates, DLC is sometimes hit or miss but the option for it has made gaming a lot more interesting. EA focused on a lot of players experiences in battlefield 1(which I can WATCH people play battlefield just not play it myself) which were varied and hilarious. (more…)


Hidey Ho, Primal the blogger here


I got a moose in the next room(My nephew) and I am waiting for my pre-order to come through. Yes I pre ordered Injustice 2, the first one was extremely fun and while I waited til it was long in the tooth to buy it I had a blast playing it way on the PS4. I got I2 for the X-bone though. The only annoying thing, I misread WHEN it would be available, I saw 11 o’clock I thought they meant eastern time. No, Primal they meant in your Time Zone because it’s available at midnight.

So guess who just tried to play Injustice 2 54 minutes early? Yes I know most likely by the time I finish this blog, edit it, mark it up and yadda yadda it will probably be midnight, but that doesn’t change the fact that I was rushing, a game, that I already paid for, because I am an impatient ass.(Eikichi is somewhere laughing hysterically in agreement right now, so fuck him in advance). (more…)


It’s April Fools Day


That means 90% of all pregnancy announcements BULLSHIT.

That “oh I always loved you, why didn’t we ever date” message from that got girl/guy will be posted on twitter, instagram, tumblr or facebook with a bunch of crying emojis at your soft, loving, and romantic response as they use you as clickbait.

Somebody is going to die today, but unless you find out tomorrow, that muffuka gone be bumming a smoke off you in the morning.

Trump Didn’t Get impeached

Nobody has incontrovertible proof that Obama was actually born in Kenya

No that is not an ACTUAL picture of Hillary Clinton’s horns

Elvis is still dead

So is Tupac

And David Bowie

No the Aliens are not here to rescue the people who know Klingon, or Wookie, or Huttese.

That magic pill will not make your dick plump up like a ball park frank and become a footlong

It won’t give you double D’s or the fattest ass either

Whatever hot trailer somebody sent you today, it’s a Rick Roll

And yes, today Rick WILL give you up, and will DAMN SURE let you down.

He already deserted you

No your ex really doesn’t want forgiveness

No I am not admitting to a damn thing, I don’t give a fuck if you have me on video.

Munchkins still ain talking to me, but they will happily steal my drink

and fuck up my name

and try to get me to make mean faces

and walk off with my damn phone “yo, get back here”

No your siblings will NOT remember all the dough they borrowed, til later, when they got you, nah really they got you

I swear I bet if we look up most of the honor duels in history they were like in the first week of April, cause I could see back in the day when you COULDN’T easily find out that somebody was yanking your chain that you wanted to stab they ass. Fuck squaring up bitch, I got you 10 paces at dawn Friday. Draw your sword muffuka, for even WASTING whatever time left before I invariably catch the plague I will END YOU, and probably go fuck your wife, again, cause that WASN’T an April Fools. Bitch ass. I don’t even want to answer my phone or text messages today cause I know most of the people I talk to THINK they funny(they not) and gone do the most, making me want to strangle them and waste bail money. Choking them would have been worth it, but bail afterwards nah.

So pay attention to your surroundings, if you see somebody in a clown outfit run. Like nothing good can come out of meeting up with a clown on April Fool’s day, seriously that is like the ultimate “X figured out the exact moment, when They fucked up!!!” like what is the BEST thing that can happen, the clown just wants a goofy ass selfie. The worst that can happen, fam, it’s a clown, on the national holiday of pranks they have been training for this. Stanky cream pies, nut shots, Ink Flowers, whoopie cushions, hand buzzers, and that is just the TIP of the rusty dick you will probably get fucked with. NO CLOWNS, I don’t mind them on a normal day but today you will catch these hands.


Obviously one does not just Dare Arby’s


Dear Arby’s

The Fuck Is THIS! No, no this is a valid question to ask. I mean we ain even gone get to the fact that they have the words NUTRITIONAL and INFORMATION at the bottom of this picture no no, that is to be tabled to a later discussion. I asked, and the Lady behind the counter said, “the sandwich has EVERY MEAT WE SERVE on it.” Not that I was thinking of ordering it, my affairs aren’t in order, and I personally don’t want to die 5 minutes after eating it nor do I feel like eating salad for the next 6 weeks to get all of that meat out of my body. I mean let’s look at this ignorant shit you have:

  1. Pepper Bacon(of course it starts with bacon, all cakes must be iced)
  2. Roast Beef(cause it’s Arby’s it’s their thing)
  3. Cheddar Cheese
  4. Angus Beef(cause they want this to be a good and flavorful death)
  5. Smoked Brisket
  6. Pit Smoked Ham(I think they believe smoke is a food group
  7. Swiss Cheese(technically at this point we are at Dagwood Level)
  8. Roast Turkey(cause yes both Turkey AND BEEF can be roasted
  9. Chicken Tenders(because if the only thing fried/greasy on this sandwich was bacon they FAILED as sandwich creators *shrug*)
  10. A Star Cut Bun(to solidify locking your bowels up)

This sandwich is served with a BACKHAND from your cardiologist. Your nutritionist will judge you for 6 months after eating this sandwich. This Sandwich looks like they were dared to put a Subway footlong on a Kaiser/Burger Roll. This sandwich looks like Punishment for coming in last at the strongman competition, “there is not enough meat in your system, we must add more meat to make your stronger!” This sandwich looks like it comes with a waiver you must sign to guarantee that you were of good health before you ate the sandwich and that you death within a week of consumption is in no way Arby’s fault. (more…)


It’s about damn time Sony


FINALLY PLAYSTATION HAS COME INTO THE EXTERNAL STORAGE GENERATION! 

Yes it has to be said like that, it has been a sticking point since the middle of the extended console generation of the Xbox 360 and the PS3, Sony has been dicking around with allowing you to use external hard drives to save your games(not you save files but the games themselves) and transport them around. It was actually one of the BIGGEST role reversals in the last two console generations, with the PS3 Sony was DRM’d down and as horror stories came out about it folks were flocking to the Xbox 360 for the free gaming experience and the lack of hardline when it came to whether or not you could buy, sell, or rent the games. Unfortunately when it came to the Xbox one Microsoft jumped too far with the “always on, always connected to the internet” rhetoric when it came to the Xbox one. You had to have the camera(which they had an understandable reason for, it wasn’t explained well) and so was them wanting you to always be connected to the internet(for constant software updates) once again their messenger SUCKED.

The one thing that they DID present correctly was the ability to buy external storage to boost your Xbox One from 500 GB internal(which was what most of the initial consoles of both companies shipped with) to 500 internal plus whatever size external drive was available at the time. In 2013 that would most likely have been a 1 tb, which at the time would have been pretty good for an external drive, and I’m sure if you had an arm or leg to spare you might even find a 2 tb or maybe a 3 tb of the storage with it’s own power source. (more…)


Salt Bae’s ignant ass cousin


Dear Hardees,

While I agree that SALT is a spice, normally it is used SPARINGLY in a dish. To draw out a dishes essence, what folks don’t do is drown something in salt, cook it, then store it in salt, and serve it. I don’t know if it was the preparers first day, or if they thought that they could be the next Salt Bae, or if they were going for a “dry rub” effect.

This is what I do know, that wasn’t Spicy Chicken tenders I got earlier, it was Spicy Salt. I don’t mean that it was KIND of salty, I mean that if it wasn’t for the fact that I topped off my drink BEFORE I left the restaurant then I would probably be a dried up snail on the side of the road. I enjoyed the DBZ movie Lord Slug, I wasn’t trying to become his pompous ass. And I damn sure wasn’t trying to die an ironic death, I just wanted some Spicy Chicken Tenders maybe add a little honey mustard. And the sad thing, once I washed the taste of SALT out of my mouth there was a decent amount of heat. I’m sure there is some chicken down their getting extremely well preserved for the long journey across the plains of “who the fuck taught this muffuka how to cook.” I figure this travesty HOPEFULLY comes down to a few factors (more…)