When I get my head on straight I'll tell ya

Video games

Sony E3 2018, Seriously did you have to prove you could do WORSE than last year?


I don’t even REMEMBER if I got through my blog about Sony’s FUNERAL that was Playstations 2017 E3 conference. Even the crowds who attended seemed forlorn and dumbstruck. And then THIS YEAR, dude you can’t just go to people talking for 20 minutes while the folks at home are trying to figure out what the fuck you are doing. Filler has to be MILDLY entertaining, a bunch of people talking on a stage basically saying “Hey we are moving the LIVE AUDIENCE to another location which is why we aren’t showing you any more games” like who’s drunk ass thought THAT was a capital idea. It bogged the show down so badly that while the GAMES looked good the show itself never recovered.

Oh yeah, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH ALL THE MUSICAL NUMBERS. After most likely pissing off a few Christians as they talked about whether or not Church Requirements were filled, they went to a guy onstage playing a Banjo. Not playing a Banjo as a game was showing behind him, no he FINISHED HIS SONG and THEN they went into the trailer… *facepalm*

Dear Sony, I understand you got into the GOOD COKE this time but please go to rehab. This wasn’t pretty

No seriously that wasn’t the ONLY musical number either anyway to the games… (more…)

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Ubisoft E3 2018, or Am I tripping Balls or is that a Panda Drum Major?


Welp I think Ubisoft was letting us know their love for cosplayers and costumes cause the way it started out with a Guy in a Panda Suit, a marching band, and a bunch of Cosplayers(or at least people in costumes) I never know what to think about Ubisoft and how they start shit off, it is always weird as shit. No seriously, every time ubisoft starts off a conference it’s like “Why the fuck do we give you money? Don’t be crazy show us games……”

That was all the wind up to Just Dance 2019? Really Bitch, that is what you do with the money we give you? Stuffed Pandas, Cosplay, Marching Bands, Dance numbers, I swear you really need to drink before watching a Ubisoft conference because they be on that BULLSHIT. No I am not playing that damn conference started like a damn acid trip ANYWAY since they started this shit off being extra TO THE GAMES

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Square Enix E3 2018, Short sweet and to the point


Square Enix has one of the most STORIED histories in gaming, most will say it revolves around one Game(Final Fantasy, ESPECIALLY 7) which is hard to argue with because even with Kingdom Hearts it is just Final Fantasy with Disney Characters added in. Storied history none the less, they have added other games to their repertoire the remake of Tomb Raider, Monster Hunter, Just Cause and Dragon Quest.

But Honestly most people really only care about FF and KH, sad I know it doesn’t help that Square has promised us a REMAKE of Final Fantasy VII, yes the RPG Opus that changed the entire world. (more…)


Bethesda At E3 2018: Okay Okay we heard you stop with the nagging


First Bethesda starts out by showing you their employees, and all the fun they are having making ALL the games that we love from Bethesda Softworks. Okay it WASN’T Bethesda Land but it was a victory lap. Granted Bethesda does make some awesome ass games and DOES get you to show them the money, I STILL haven’t finished Wolfenstein 2 BUT the shit is fun.

Pete Hines shows up smiling, spins around on his double-sided stage and then GIVES IT to Walmart Canada for LEAKING Rage 2. The “you fucking assholes” face he made was HILARIOUS. UNFORTUNATELY they decided that LIVE music was the way to go. I have NO clue who this band is, but I like the crowd was like WHAT THE FUCK. but To THE GAMES (more…)


Microsoft at E3 2018: WE HAVE THE MONEY!


That is the best way to sum it up, Microsoft came out showing that not ONLY was the checkbook finally open but that they weren’t shy on spending dough. Microsoft showed 50 games, 18 world premieres and a bunch of exclusive. Whether it be console launch or exclusive period, Microsoft has heard the fans and showed you GAMES, GAMES, told you about the services, Dropped New Studios(including a surprise studio), discussed new services, and gave Gamepass a kick. Once again I watched the Microsoft briefing on Mixer THOUGH it did not start out without some drama, as my Xbox refused to log me in to My mixer account, odd, annoying, but I got through it. The INTERESTING thing about the Microsoft briefing was they started out with their pants on fire.

Yes I said it, I heard all over the interwebs that there was ONE DEFINITE that Microsoft was not going to do. Now, IF what they are saying is we weren’t debuting it with THAT title okay, fine it’s a white lie, it was misleading not a lie. But I know what I saw to start the show and it was like HOOOOOLY SHIT. Oh and Microsoft trolled us all a few times, there was definitely “Sugar Added” to the E3 stage a few times. This was not a pure popcorn E3(IE nothing but action, something you can just sit and enjoy) but it did bring popcorn moments. Okay enough stalling (more…)


Electronic Arts, yes we REALLY showed you RTS gameplay BEFORE the hype trailer


This really says it all about EA’s conference. Way too much talking, and they showed a FUCKING RTS gameplay moment before the trailer. Seriously Nobody gives a fuck about a MOBILE RTS GAME. I was dumbstruck when I saw that, my internet decided to die at EXACTLY that moment. Like “I’m giving you bandwidth for THIS SHIT, Fuck outta here” and honestly, I really can’t blame it. They LITERALLY showed a quick RTS match, like I was gonna run them my money right then and there.

THEN they showed this awesome trailer with smooth graphics and all kinds of character awesomeness THAT DOESN’T EXIST IN GAME. Now seriously, I woke up late for this conference(but not by much it seems) so I missed all the pregame, I didn’t see all the information on the first game showcased (Battlefield V) and I heard that there was a big to-do about the Microsoft E3 showcase tomorrow HOPEFULLY Microsoft doesn’t put me to sleep. (more…)


Let’s be honest I sucked balls covering E3 last year


I started out strong, EA was okay, Microsoft was cool and then SONY drained the ever loving shit out of me and of course Bathesda was like “hahahaha, Thanks for the MONEY” which technically they DID make all the dough with Fallout 4 but they could have showed us a little more. Welp This year is gonna be a struggle too, I DID take the day off from work but forgot to check and see when EA started so I have to go back and watch it from the beginning but I will TRY and cover E3 better this year(We shall see though).

What I have caught so far is Battlefield 5 another ancient ass war, so blah. I saw some of Fifa, I haven’t played a fifa game in fuck ever. I saw some of the Information about the NEW Star Wars game(Jedi Fallen Order) as well as the confirmation of all the stuff people have been saying was going to come out for Star Wars Battlefront 2 towards the end of the year: Dooku, Grievous, Anakin, and Obiwan. If you don’t know, I fucks shit up in space so me and Star Wars Battlefront 2 are like THIS. Things they are adding: A new Dog fight mode with the hero ships, Geonosha, A new squad mode where you can take down capital ships. This is off memory so I know I am missing stuff so on the rewatch I will get into details. (more…)


Getting ready to watch Microsoft at GamesCom


As you all know back to school is rolling out, what you may not know is that this is about to be the home stretch for many industries. Back to school means the beginning of Fall, and the beginning of fall means it is time to get ready for Holiday 2017. Thats right if it is almost the end of Summer, close to the beginning of the month of September that means that we are 4 months away from Christmas. And companies have to position themselves to be THAT ITEM that all the GOOD(or passably good, hell just passing on their first report card of the year) litttle girls and boys are going to annoy the every loving fuck out of their parents for. As a former child the useless pieces of plastic that I hoped and dreamed on REALLY ramped up the advertising right about now. The new Die Cast Optimus Prime, the new Playstation, Or Nintendo, or Sega, Or Atari(I can’t say Xbox I was fully grown by the time Microsoft joined the gaming race).

If it wasn’t this system it was a game{ Joe Montana, Madden, Lakers vs Celtics, Lakers vs Bulls, Nba Live, MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAAAT!(what doesn’t everybody say it that way in their heads?), or even street fighter. As such everyone has a million and a half conferences or expos leading up to the end of summer to show off their latest and greatest. E3 (Electronic Entertainment Expo) was in June, Microsoft and Sony were both there, each showed off their wares, but now it is Gamescom Sony has decided to bow out AGAIN this year instead going to Paris Games Week for what reason I don’t know. Did the Gamescom folks piss in Sony’s corn flakes? *Shrug* what it does do though is give Microsoft a rare opportunity to take the stage with absolutely no rebuttal whatsoever. They can show off their newest games, give the upcoming Xbox One X center stage, as well as convince more people that 500 dollars (plus tax) needs to be sent their way. (more…)


My thoughts on the Delay of “Crackdown 3”


For those of you who are new here, I am a gamer. Yes, just like men of old if there is a thing that I did as a young child I still do it as a much older man. And before you say “people don’t actually do that,” let me create a list of “comfort activities” people tend to do as they get older:

  • Fishing
  • Golf
  • Wood Carving
  • Panting
  • Sketching
  • Carpentry
  • Traveling
  • Reading
  • Photography
  • Nature Observing

Guess what all of those things have in common, you ask most of the people doing them they either did them when they were much younger of they WANTED to do them and did not have the resources. I am a child of the burgeoning digital age, Arcades to home consoles, to the internet, to online multiplayer in video games. Now I could have mention Lan play in video games but that was probably a niche thing and if you did it I am sure you boss might be wondering why you were using their Office Machine for recreation so we are just gonna pretend okay. (more…)


Primal, the ultimate asshole


Now let me preface tis by saying, I am no stranger to being called an asshole. Hell when it comes to videos games I am no stranger to being publicly called an asshole or shouted out as an asshole. I remember the old “glitch” or was it a feature in Killer Instinct where as Cinder you could basically double back flip someone into eternity, catch they ass with a pop up combo, and tha thump tha thump their ass until their first health bar was gone. Then catch them in a pop up combo on their final energy bar and only let them down to ultra combo that ass and THEN catch them for the extra 50 hits. Oh wait let’s not forget the famous “All you do is play rainbow 6 and watch the 40 year old virgin all day” incident. Which yes, ALL that shit was true. When he seemed enraged that I had NEVER seen the 40 year old virgin, which he though was a great movie I PREVENTED the next round from starting for 20 minutes just to make sure he and ALL OF HIS TEAM MATES knew just how big of a bitch he was for calling me out for not doing that which he actually did.

While STILL sucking at Rainbow 6, I believe it was Vegas at the time. Now TECHNICALLY I am an asshole for some shit I did last night, but let me say this while I am gaming UNLESS you are on my friends list I am NOT going to stop gaming because you just so happen to shoot me a message so that I can read it, and then respond to you in a timely fashion. We’ll get into more details after the jump (more…)