When I get my head on straight I'll tell ya

Game Trailers

Sony E3 2018, Seriously did you have to prove you could do WORSE than last year?

I don’t even REMEMBER if I got through my blog about Sony’s FUNERAL that was Playstations 2017 E3 conference. Even the crowds who attended seemed forlorn and dumbstruck. And then THIS YEAR, dude you can’t just go to people talking for 20 minutes while the folks at home are trying to figure out what the fuck you are doing. Filler has to be MILDLY entertaining, a bunch of people talking on a stage basically saying “Hey we are moving the LIVE AUDIENCE to another location which is why we aren’t showing you any more games” like who’s drunk ass thought THAT was a capital idea. It bogged the show down so badly that while the GAMES looked good the show itself never recovered.

Oh yeah, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH ALL THE MUSICAL NUMBERS. After most likely pissing off a few Christians as they talked about whether or not Church Requirements were filled, they went to a guy onstage playing a Banjo. Not playing a Banjo as a game was showing behind him, no he FINISHED HIS SONG and THEN they went into the trailer… *facepalm*

Dear Sony, I understand you got into the GOOD COKE this time but please go to rehab. This wasn’t pretty

No seriously that wasn’t the ONLY musical number either anyway to the games… (more…)

Ubisoft E3 2018, or Am I tripping Balls or is that a Panda Drum Major?

Welp I think Ubisoft was letting us know their love for cosplayers and costumes cause the way it started out with a Guy in a Panda Suit, a marching band, and a bunch of Cosplayers(or at least people in costumes) I never know what to think about Ubisoft and how they start shit off, it is always weird as shit. No seriously, every time ubisoft starts off a conference it’s like “Why the fuck do we give you money? Don’t be crazy show us games……”

That was all the wind up to Just Dance 2019? Really Bitch, that is what you do with the money we give you? Stuffed Pandas, Cosplay, Marching Bands, Dance numbers, I swear you really need to drink before watching a Ubisoft conference because they be on that BULLSHIT. No I am not playing that damn conference started like a damn acid trip ANYWAY since they started this shit off being extra TO THE GAMES


Square Enix E3 2018, Short sweet and to the point

Square Enix has one of the most STORIED histories in gaming, most will say it revolves around one Game(Final Fantasy, ESPECIALLY 7) which is hard to argue with because even with Kingdom Hearts it is just Final Fantasy with Disney Characters added in. Storied history none the less, they have added other games to their repertoire the remake of Tomb Raider, Monster Hunter, Just Cause and Dragon Quest.

But Honestly most people really only care about FF and KH, sad I know it doesn’t help that Square has promised us a REMAKE of Final Fantasy VII, yes the RPG Opus that changed the entire world. (more…)

Bethesda At E3 2018: Okay Okay we heard you stop with the nagging

First Bethesda starts out by showing you their employees, and all the fun they are having making ALL the games that we love from Bethesda Softworks. Okay it WASN’T Bethesda Land but it was a victory lap. Granted Bethesda does make some awesome ass games and DOES get you to show them the money, I STILL haven’t finished Wolfenstein 2 BUT the shit is fun.

Pete Hines shows up smiling, spins around on his double-sided stage and then GIVES IT to Walmart Canada for LEAKING Rage 2. The “you fucking assholes” face he made was HILARIOUS. UNFORTUNATELY they decided that LIVE music was the way to go. I have NO clue who this band is, but I like the crowd was like WHAT THE FUCK. but To THE GAMES (more…)

Microsoft at E3 2018: WE HAVE THE MONEY!

That is the best way to sum it up, Microsoft came out showing that not ONLY was the checkbook finally open but that they weren’t shy on spending dough. Microsoft showed 50 games, 18 world premieres and a bunch of exclusive. Whether it be console launch or exclusive period, Microsoft has heard the fans and showed you GAMES, GAMES, told you about the services, Dropped New Studios(including a surprise studio), discussed new services, and gave Gamepass a kick. Once again I watched the Microsoft briefing on Mixer THOUGH it did not start out without some drama, as my Xbox refused to log me in to My mixer account, odd, annoying, but I got through it. The INTERESTING thing about the Microsoft briefing was they started out with their pants on fire.

Yes I said it, I heard all over the interwebs that there was ONE DEFINITE that Microsoft was not going to do. Now, IF what they are saying is we weren’t debuting it with THAT title okay, fine it’s a white lie, it was misleading not a lie. But I know what I saw to start the show and it was like HOOOOOLY SHIT. Oh and Microsoft trolled us all a few times, there was definitely “Sugar Added” to the E3 stage a few times. This was not a pure popcorn E3(IE nothing but action, something you can just sit and enjoy) but it did bring popcorn moments. Okay enough stalling (more…)

Electronic Arts, yes we REALLY showed you RTS gameplay BEFORE the hype trailer

This really says it all about EA’s conference. Way too much talking, and they showed a FUCKING RTS gameplay moment before the trailer. Seriously Nobody gives a fuck about a MOBILE RTS GAME. I was dumbstruck when I saw that, my internet decided to die at EXACTLY that moment. Like “I’m giving you bandwidth for THIS SHIT, Fuck outta here” and honestly, I really can’t blame it. They LITERALLY showed a quick RTS match, like I was gonna run them my money right then and there.

THEN they showed this awesome trailer with smooth graphics and all kinds of character awesomeness THAT DOESN’T EXIST IN GAME. Now seriously, I woke up late for this conference(but not by much it seems) so I missed all the pregame, I didn’t see all the information on the first game showcased (Battlefield V) and I heard that there was a big to-do about the Microsoft E3 showcase tomorrow HOPEFULLY Microsoft doesn’t put me to sleep. (more…)

I’m gonna need Sony to get a better preshow

Like bruh that preshow was drier than a fucking saltine cracker. The shit I caught was so “who gives a fuck?” when even your announce team can’t sound hyped about the shit you are trying to get them to show either you hire a new team or else give them some FUN SHIT TO TALK ABOUT. Wow a PSVue commercial, I think Microsoft broke their brains. Welp it looks like the new Uncharted game, Lost Legacy. Looks like a Tomb Raider killer(though I didn’t know anyone wanted poor Laura dead). Okay, this looks fun an expansion pack for Horizon Zero Dawn. Okay, they are trying to copy Microsoft’s game after game format from last night. Might have worked out better if they had put it on “Live from Playstation” and there are lots of frame rate drops, though it could be the amount of devices I have on my internet(somebody needs a new more powerful router).

They are showing off the biker game again, and they have dead bodies as props hanging behind the screen on stage ooookay. Days Gone, it’s an interesting looking Zombie Survival game(which really aren’t my thing but I will admit when they look good) the quick time events were pretty smooth, okay maybe it was the channel I was watching because it had some weird person talking over Shawn.  Had to switch that, I guess I picked the wrong playstation feed. It’s kind of funny Microsoft used the same stage as last year and Sony is using the same theater guy with a giant sword on his back I wonder what game this is… Monster Hunter World Meh.

I will expand on each of these later I am actually blogging this as I watch. Looks like they either remastered or else made a sequel to Shadow of the Colossus. Must be a remaster didn’t say 2. They also showed off Call of Duty WW2 and Marvel vs Capcom Infinite. Then we got Skyrim VR because you wanted to pay them for Skyrim again admit it. Another VR game called Star Child. This is the VR portion of the show, they just showed off a game called Inpatient, and now FFXV VR Monster of the Deep okay fishing was always fun in FFXI, this MIGHT be cool. (more…)

Bethesdaland, hey hey they called it that

Bethesda started off their show with the kids of some of their content creators. Then the CEO came out which after the year they have had of course he is happy to do as many victory laps as you allow. They start off with a new VR offering which I still ain sold on VR yet so this game looks alright but I ain worried about it even. Doom VFR hmm okay and second up is apparently Fallout 4 VR which they talked about last year, not a surprise but hey it is still pretty looking. Then they go to Elder Scrolls Online Morrowind. Again when I tell you these are nothing but victory laps for Bethesda they made a lot of bets last year and most of them paid off in spades.

Now they are talking about all the mods that have been downloaded for PS4 and Xbox one, uh oh Creation Club. Bethesda is finding a new way to get all of your money, just give them accesss to your bank account now, they are coming for you duckets. Now Bethesda is talking about a strategy card game: Elder Scrolls Legends:Heroes of Skyrim. I guess hearing that people actually liked Gwent and downloaded the preview gave them license to gone ahead and get up in that genre. Looks like it is just for mobile though interesting call. (more…)

Microsofts E3 part 2

if you read the earlier post you see that Microsoft brought the games to E3 2017, not some of the unfortunate canceled titles from 2016 but a whole range of new ones with all different levels of Experiences being offered. Now understand for the most part this isn’t the grand daddy show oh no Microsoft I believe is going to do it again on either Tuesday or Wednesday this was basically just “Hey this is our new hardware and the games we will be showing off this week.” And with 42 games in all they have created quite a buzz. Anyway next up on the list was

Cuphead, this game has been kicking around for a few years it looks like an old school cartoon I mean early days of color style cartoon. It was just a quick reminder and a release date but it is nice to see an anticipated game come out instead of being canceled(say like Scalebound, that game looked cool as shit). It’s basically a side scrolling shooter but it could be fun.

Crackdown 3, crackdown one was a fun game that we all liked til my 360 broke, Crackdown 2 came out and became the game that NOBODY talked about(I guess I could look it up) I didn’t get a chance to play it because my Xbox 360 finally died and I wanted a blu ray player so I got a PS3. The action proposes to be more over the top and they have PROMISED fully destructible environments, it has a release date now so lets see if they can deliver. And with Terry Crews as one of the voice actors you know you will be constantly hyped up, as you can see in the trailer he is having way too much fun in his shiny outfit. Yall den gave TC a big gun, a microphone and told him go HAM smh it’s like they want a Cole Train in Crackdown 3. Come on now I know as you level up so does your gear “Step up your Boom” though, have they not seen an Old Spice commercial? (more…)

Xbox One X? XOX tired of the Bone jokes are we Microsoft?

Not that the term Xbone X won’t become a thing, cause it probably will, looks sweet though. And yes, yes I know how game fanboys are people are gonna be all about “specs mean nada, what about the games” welp as Phil announced 22 exclusives with double X enhanced experiences(Hmm the XX I like it, almost porno graphic yup they had to see this coming). Now to be fair, I got so bored trying to wait for the conference to start that I missed the beginning of the show so I watched someone else’s live stream and wound it back. I wanted to make sure I got the console name right before I started Blogging about it. SO the important shit:

The Xbox One X is smaller(it’s barely larger than the controller I guess they got tired of the SIZE comments cause people only like their Dicks, Tits, Asses and TV’s big smh), it looks sleeker, comes in an almost either matte black or else Gun Metal Gray. It is also Launching as a Scorpio(IE between October 22 and November 21), they didn’t keep the name but at least they dropped it around the right time. I know I am currently watching the mixer stream, but they are dropping these exclusives like crazy, a new Metro(which I will get into detail with later), Forza 7, Deep Rock Galactic, State of Decay 2, The Darwin Project, okay and now they are talking about a minecraft update. It almost looks like Microsoft is saying “take your claims of 4k gaming not being possible and our lack of games along with your PS4 Pro, without a 4k bluray player even though Sony makes it, turn that sum bitch sideways and shove it straight up your ass. (more…)

Watching the EA replay for E3 2017

I haven’t played Fifa since it debuted back in the 90’s, I guess that Fifa 2017’s story mode was of so awesomely appreciated that they have moved it to Madden 18. Which of course is interesting since a “build you own player from scratch mode” has been a part of 2k for at least 4 years now. Granted, 2k had to go all out in Basketball because EA bought sole rights to American Football way back in the day. Let’s be real, Madden almost ALWAYS looks good, it’s EA’s meal ticket and it gets MOST of their resources. Madden has been that shit since it was Sega versus Nintendo, epic all nighters where your ordered pizza, wings, and possibly bought beer if you were legal. Now of course Football is football save for a few rules changes here and there, players getting older, and teams changing, it is pretty much the same year after year.

EA’s next offer was Battlefield, they are about to add the Russian front. To be honest I didn’t buy battlefield one, I am not a big fan of the musket style weapons, thus anything older than like the 1960’s I tend to avoid. I see that people have had fun with it, I ain mad, it looks cute but it just ain my bag. They do appear to be going ahead and adding more content and detail though which is always good, I am happy that in this newer digital age that a game is no longer old and finished after you buy it. I like updates, DLC is sometimes hit or miss but the option for it has made gaming a lot more interesting. EA focused on a lot of players experiences in battlefield 1(which I can WATCH people play battlefield just not play it myself) which were varied and hilarious. (more…)

Nintendo at E3, if we can call it that

Honestly, I was holding off doing Nintendo because they did. Like seriously if I am not mistaken they did 2:30 of Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, not 2:30 am or pm 2 HOURS and 30 MINUTES of ONE DAMN GAME. And then they threw in some new pokemon Sun and Moon. No, that isn’t a joke. Nintendo gave so few fucks about your E3 viewership, that while they did confirm in a later press conference that the Nintendo NX did exist, they didn’t speak on it. They didn’t speak on Metroid, or Mario Bros(that I saw, I may go back and watch it a third time, but it was like Zelda, more Zelda, and another person playing Zelda). I’m serious, if I was talking shit about the guy who was dieing in the FF XV demo because he looked like he never played the game in his life, the guy who ran up on the big rock monster, in low level gear, and got ONE SHOTTED, yeah THAT man totally lost the internet.

You supposed to be showing us how cool Nintendo is, and as if they were self trolling Nintendo focused on ONE GAME, and then to troll YOURSELF you die, during your play through, OF THE MAIN NINTENDO GAME WE SEE, that supposedly you have been playing during the whole development. I can see some of yall don’t believe me, so here it is Nintendo E3 2016. Matter of fact:

Dear Sony,

I apologize for complaining about how many VR games you showed during your E3 showcase. Here I thought you were wrong as shit for trying to show people something they would have to pay 400 dollars MORE just to play, plus the price of the game. But Nintendo, Nintendo just showed me that fuck deficits don’t come with a bunch of games that may not even sell because it’s 300+ dollar peripheral cutting edge. No they just said “fuck it, you only want to see one game from us for 3 hours oh and Pokemon”

Yes I said that there was a SECOND E3 game Pokemon Sun and Pokemon Moon, they played that for like 40 minutes. Like seriously, they had LIVE step aways where they just showed you folks walking around their treehouse(which a giant monster from the new Zelda game) and kept playing Zelda, until they decided to start showing you new Pokemon. When I tell you that this isn’t Nintendo hate, cause Nintendo showed complete disdain for my time it ain hate. This is exactly what they hell they did. So yeah, Nintendo the new Zelda game looked awesome, really easy to pick up, the cooking system is nice, and that was an interesting new pokemon game but ummm


What else you got?

Sony at E3, Is your throat ready for VR

If Bathesda and Microsoft were all about Gameplay videos Sony was staking it’s claim on the VR Gameplay experience. Most of the games shown looked cool(I decided to Live Tweet Sony’s E3 since I was finally not working), looks like somebody is showing VR Psychonauts right now(my twitch keeps freezing, probably WAAAY too many people on the stream) and while it looked cool I never played Pyschonauts on any platform. But yeah Sony spent at LEAST 20 minutes on VR games, which was surprising since they didn’t mention the RUMORED(again if you don’t show it, it falls back to the rumor mill) PS 4k Neo and I’m not sure if the Current PS4 can handle full VR as it stands. But to the VR games since they seemed to be the heart of Sony’s E3 experience:

First up Resident Evil VII(They have the name in a cool way where the VII_ in Evil were red, that last I being the top half of the L of course to make it a Roman Numeral 7) the VR experience was interesting as you followed the players eyes and flashlight in a sweeping motion. I mean, I am sure there are some brave souls who will try it but I doubt Survival Horror will be that spot that VR sticks. I can see too many heart attacks and nightmares, even if you block out the sides you still know the rest of your room is around you, but in a full immersion setting I don’t know if you would trust a person who wasn’t bother by it. Seriously a zombie jumping on your actual nose and you are just sitting there like “Bummer, gotta start this round again…” Shiiiit that would be a 400 dollar not quite boomerang. Seriously, go watch people play PT and tell me how you expect folks to take 8+ hours of that shit and not be screaming their lungs out.

Farpoint it almost looked like Space Fallout, or even Space Skyrim it definitely had some awesome visuals as you were looking over the gun, doing scans, and watching your mission mates crashing in flames. The alien terrain looked damn near like Tattoine, sparse desert, crumbled buildings, some weird-looking aliens, and a cool looking weapon. So I don’t know if I am going to play it, but I must say it may turn out to be one of the worlds most awesome Proof of Concept game for VR. (more…)

So Microsoft says take your fear and shove it

Microsoft’s E3 can be summed up as such: that Xbox Everywhere thing we mentioned, we meant that shit. Xbox slim, yup it’s real and we gone open the show with it. And in Closing, Xbox Scorpio yup that bitch is real too. Oh, you thought we were scared to admit we didn’t put out a strong enough system this time, nope tell Sony take this with their 4.5 teraflops we going for 6. And we saw which conference you liked yesterday between EA and Bathesda, you want to see gameplay, we got your gameplay. Of the games I saw

Forza Horizon 3, don’t care. I love Forza Motorsports 6, but I didn’t like the horizon demo so no for me on horizon. Here’s the gameplay though just in case you are interested in it

Gears of War 4, looks awesome, I may step back in.

Recore, looks like fun I don’t know if you will be able to carry more than one buddy around with you or if it’s one buddy, one core, and you have to just keep moving it from one beasty to the next.

Halo Wars 2 looks interesting, I like RTS games sometimes but will I like a Halo RTS not really sure. And as soon as I get home I’m going to download the beta(using the tablet to watch E3 so yeah can’t do it from the tablet)

Gwent, Ghent, whatever the Witcher III card game is. I mean I already play magic so I may give it a look just like the Elder Scrolls legends game

State of Decay 2, I didn’t play the first State of Decay Zombie game manly because I suck at Zombie games one of these days I will twitch myself playing black ops Zombies so you can see just how bad I am at it.

Dead Rising 4 was also shown on the stage

Of course as I stated earlier Microsoft announced the Xbox one S(basically Xbox one Slim) and at the end they announced Xbox Project Scorpio which is the hulking new Xbox the slim is 299 in line with any of your current Xbox one purchases, I think the Scorpio will most likely be 399-449 just because of the power boost. But if they price it under 360 I won’t complain and depending on what I see on the Scorpio I may buy a new System. It’s schedule for Holiday 2017(so basically Christmas 2017 so I have plenty of months to look into it and decide if I want to blow a check). I expect it to be equal to what Sony does, now while SOME Occulus games were announced and Bathesda was there talking about adding Fallout 4 to Xbox VR, during THEIR event the only mentioned the HTC Vive they possibly haven’t gotten their new Dev Kits yet. (more…)

Bathesda at E3

SOOOO as I am watching, Bathesda just said fuck everybody else’s showcase here’s what we got for you: Quake Champions, yes we said Quake muffuka. That game we gave you all those years ago, that we have a huge conference for every year yup we bringing it back. Also that Elder Scrolls card game we showed you last year, yup it’s coming out later on this year. Fallout 4, you like fallout bitch we gone fall out you to death. I mean it seems some of you little bitches found out our little nukaworld secret, but what you didn’t find was that we were gone let yall build your own fucking vaults, yup that’s right we gone give you real vault tec. By the way, remember fallout shelter that game we released for mobile last year yup we gone update that to.

And let me not forget, yall keep bugging us about a Skyrim HD, well you get your wish where my money hoe? Remember that Prey game? Yall been mad at us that we canceled Prey 2, well fuck it we are re-releasing prey for the next generation. Again, where my money hoe I ain seen them pre orders yet, oh wait yall still in shock it’s only been like 20 minutes bitch where them dollars at. By the way You get Doom DLC too, you paid up yet? And if you play Elder Scrolls we giving you more content as well, Dark Brotherhood DLC wait am I be showered in change? I said money, not change. Content barriers, we don’t need no stinking content barriers, go where ya want(and die), play with who you want(and be betrayed), and have all the fun(or pain) that you want.

Before we leave, we ain gonna wait til Microsoft or Sony, we gone release our OWN VR. So yeah VR doom, and VR Fallout 4, yes we said VR fallout 4 to hell with Survival mode we gone give you IN YOUR FACE MODE. Now let us leave you with a game engine look at Dishonored 2. I ain gonna lie, dishonored 2 looks pretty, as close to photo real as anything this generation. So I know during EA’s hour they were talking about “I think we won” nope, if I am looking at it honestly Bathesda just kicked their ass. So Day -1 was a hit, cause I know I wasn’t sure what Bathesda was going to do but what they DID do was decide that water was supposed to be blown away completely.

What I’m looking for at E3

As has been discussed many times before, I’m a gamer. Like most folks I played on an Atari when it came out, did some light dos gaming when that was the shit, and now I have my consoles and when I get a new desktop I may add PC gaming back into the mix(gaming on a laptop is okay but heat is not your friend. I may get a high-end gaming laptop in the future but we shall see). So every year around June comes the grand daddy of them all the Electronic Entertainment Expo(thus the E3), where companies show off their new games, tech, peripherals, and make their promises of world domination. It used to be impossible to see what was going on, it would happen you would buy a gaming magazine and then you would see what came out the month before, but oh what a time we live in. Come tomorrow at 9:30 am all I have to do is tune in to YouTube or twitch and I get to see livestreams(I think they have a u-stream as well, but I know about twitch and YouTube).

So if I’m not a lucky enough bastard to have plunked down somewhere in the neighborhood of 3 grand for the entire weeks events I can still kind of enjoy them(cause you know I do work), find out who is bringing out what, what is changing, and why I might want to fork over XYZ bucks. Last year, I was amazed by Fallout 4(and while that USUALLY isn’t my type of game I am loving it right now) and I fell for the watchdogs hype(really not my type of game), and while bloodborne is okay I gave that to my brothers. So this year now that the initial leaks have come out: Injustice 2, Watchdogs 2(no thanks fool me once), Titanfall 2, Horizon Zero Dawn new trailer(with release date), and a few that are escaping my memory. As I check youtube gaming(YouTube’s answer to twitch) I’m seeing that a bunch of gameplays got revealed and I really didn’t realize E3 started on Sunday. (more…)