When I get my head on straight I'll tell ya

Game Trailers

Sony E3 2018, Seriously did you have to prove you could do WORSE than last year?


I don’t even REMEMBER if I got through my blog about Sony’s FUNERAL that was Playstations 2017 E3 conference. Even the crowds who attended seemed forlorn and dumbstruck. And then THIS YEAR, dude you can’t just go to people talking for 20 minutes while the folks at home are trying to figure out what the fuck you are doing. Filler has to be MILDLY entertaining, a bunch of people talking on a stage basically saying “Hey we are moving the LIVE AUDIENCE to another location which is why we aren’t showing you any more games” like who’s drunk ass thought THAT was a capital idea. It bogged the show down so badly that while the GAMES looked good the show itself never recovered.

Oh yeah, WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH ALL THE MUSICAL NUMBERS. After most likely pissing off a few Christians as they talked about whether or not Church Requirements were filled, they went to a guy onstage playing a Banjo. Not playing a Banjo as a game was showing behind him, no he FINISHED HIS SONG and THEN they went into the trailer… *facepalm*

Dear Sony, I understand you got into the GOOD COKE this time but please go to rehab. This wasn’t pretty

No seriously that wasn’t the ONLY musical number either anyway to the games… (more…)

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Ubisoft E3 2018, or Am I tripping Balls or is that a Panda Drum Major?


Welp I think Ubisoft was letting us know their love for cosplayers and costumes cause the way it started out with a Guy in a Panda Suit, a marching band, and a bunch of Cosplayers(or at least people in costumes) I never know what to think about Ubisoft and how they start shit off, it is always weird as shit. No seriously, every time ubisoft starts off a conference it’s like “Why the fuck do we give you money? Don’t be crazy show us games……”

That was all the wind up to Just Dance 2019? Really Bitch, that is what you do with the money we give you? Stuffed Pandas, Cosplay, Marching Bands, Dance numbers, I swear you really need to drink before watching a Ubisoft conference because they be on that BULLSHIT. No I am not playing that damn conference started like a damn acid trip ANYWAY since they started this shit off being extra TO THE GAMES

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Square Enix E3 2018, Short sweet and to the point


Square Enix has one of the most STORIED histories in gaming, most will say it revolves around one Game(Final Fantasy, ESPECIALLY 7) which is hard to argue with because even with Kingdom Hearts it is just Final Fantasy with Disney Characters added in. Storied history none the less, they have added other games to their repertoire the remake of Tomb Raider, Monster Hunter, Just Cause and Dragon Quest.

But Honestly most people really only care about FF and KH, sad I know it doesn’t help that Square has promised us a REMAKE of Final Fantasy VII, yes the RPG Opus that changed the entire world. (more…)


Bethesda At E3 2018: Okay Okay we heard you stop with the nagging


First Bethesda starts out by showing you their employees, and all the fun they are having making ALL the games that we love from Bethesda Softworks. Okay it WASN’T Bethesda Land but it was a victory lap. Granted Bethesda does make some awesome ass games and DOES get you to show them the money, I STILL haven’t finished Wolfenstein 2 BUT the shit is fun.

Pete Hines shows up smiling, spins around on his double-sided stage and then GIVES IT to Walmart Canada for LEAKING Rage 2. The “you fucking assholes” face he made was HILARIOUS. UNFORTUNATELY they decided that LIVE music was the way to go. I have NO clue who this band is, but I like the crowd was like WHAT THE FUCK. but To THE GAMES (more…)


Microsoft at E3 2018: WE HAVE THE MONEY!


That is the best way to sum it up, Microsoft came out showing that not ONLY was the checkbook finally open but that they weren’t shy on spending dough. Microsoft showed 50 games, 18 world premieres and a bunch of exclusive. Whether it be console launch or exclusive period, Microsoft has heard the fans and showed you GAMES, GAMES, told you about the services, Dropped New Studios(including a surprise studio), discussed new services, and gave Gamepass a kick. Once again I watched the Microsoft briefing on Mixer THOUGH it did not start out without some drama, as my Xbox refused to log me in to My mixer account, odd, annoying, but I got through it. The INTERESTING thing about the Microsoft briefing was they started out with their pants on fire.

Yes I said it, I heard all over the interwebs that there was ONE DEFINITE that Microsoft was not going to do. Now, IF what they are saying is we weren’t debuting it with THAT title okay, fine it’s a white lie, it was misleading not a lie. But I know what I saw to start the show and it was like HOOOOOLY SHIT. Oh and Microsoft trolled us all a few times, there was definitely “Sugar Added” to the E3 stage a few times. This was not a pure popcorn E3(IE nothing but action, something you can just sit and enjoy) but it did bring popcorn moments. Okay enough stalling (more…)


Electronic Arts, yes we REALLY showed you RTS gameplay BEFORE the hype trailer


This really says it all about EA’s conference. Way too much talking, and they showed a FUCKING RTS gameplay moment before the trailer. Seriously Nobody gives a fuck about a MOBILE RTS GAME. I was dumbstruck when I saw that, my internet decided to die at EXACTLY that moment. Like “I’m giving you bandwidth for THIS SHIT, Fuck outta here” and honestly, I really can’t blame it. They LITERALLY showed a quick RTS match, like I was gonna run them my money right then and there.

THEN they showed this awesome trailer with smooth graphics and all kinds of character awesomeness THAT DOESN’T EXIST IN GAME. Now seriously, I woke up late for this conference(but not by much it seems) so I missed all the pregame, I didn’t see all the information on the first game showcased (Battlefield V) and I heard that there was a big to-do about the Microsoft E3 showcase tomorrow HOPEFULLY Microsoft doesn’t put me to sleep. (more…)


I’m gonna need Sony to get a better preshow


Like bruh that preshow was drier than a fucking saltine cracker. The shit I caught was so “who gives a fuck?” when even your announce team can’t sound hyped about the shit you are trying to get them to show either you hire a new team or else give them some FUN SHIT TO TALK ABOUT. Wow a PSVue commercial, I think Microsoft broke their brains. Welp it looks like the new Uncharted game, Lost Legacy. Looks like a Tomb Raider killer(though I didn’t know anyone wanted poor Laura dead). Okay, this looks fun an expansion pack for Horizon Zero Dawn. Okay, they are trying to copy Microsoft’s game after game format from last night. Might have worked out better if they had put it on “Live from Playstation” and there are lots of frame rate drops, though it could be the amount of devices I have on my internet(somebody needs a new more powerful router).

They are showing off the biker game again, and they have dead bodies as props hanging behind the screen on stage ooookay. Days Gone, it’s an interesting looking Zombie Survival game(which really aren’t my thing but I will admit when they look good) the quick time events were pretty smooth, okay maybe it was the channel I was watching because it had some weird person talking over Shawn.  Had to switch that, I guess I picked the wrong playstation feed. It’s kind of funny Microsoft used the same stage as last year and Sony is using the same theater guy with a giant sword on his back I wonder what game this is… Monster Hunter World Meh.

I will expand on each of these later I am actually blogging this as I watch. Looks like they either remastered or else made a sequel to Shadow of the Colossus. Must be a remaster didn’t say 2. They also showed off Call of Duty WW2 and Marvel vs Capcom Infinite. Then we got Skyrim VR because you wanted to pay them for Skyrim again admit it. Another VR game called Star Child. This is the VR portion of the show, they just showed off a game called Inpatient, and now FFXV VR Monster of the Deep okay fishing was always fun in FFXI, this MIGHT be cool. (more…)


Bethesdaland, hey hey they called it that


Bethesda started off their show with the kids of some of their content creators. Then the CEO came out which after the year they have had of course he is happy to do as many victory laps as you allow. They start off with a new VR offering which I still ain sold on VR yet so this game looks alright but I ain worried about it even. Doom VFR hmm okay and second up is apparently Fallout 4 VR which they talked about last year, not a surprise but hey it is still pretty looking. Then they go to Elder Scrolls Online Morrowind. Again when I tell you these are nothing but victory laps for Bethesda they made a lot of bets last year and most of them paid off in spades.

Now they are talking about all the mods that have been downloaded for PS4 and Xbox one, uh oh Creation Club. Bethesda is finding a new way to get all of your money, just give them accesss to your bank account now, they are coming for you duckets. Now Bethesda is talking about a strategy card game: Elder Scrolls Legends:Heroes of Skyrim. I guess hearing that people actually liked Gwent and downloaded the preview gave them license to gone ahead and get up in that genre. Looks like it is just for mobile though interesting call. (more…)


Microsofts E3 part 2


if you read the earlier post you see that Microsoft brought the games to E3 2017, not some of the unfortunate canceled titles from 2016 but a whole range of new ones with all different levels of Experiences being offered. Now understand for the most part this isn’t the grand daddy show oh no Microsoft I believe is going to do it again on either Tuesday or Wednesday this was basically just “Hey this is our new hardware and the games we will be showing off this week.” And with 42 games in all they have created quite a buzz. Anyway next up on the list was

Cuphead, this game has been kicking around for a few years it looks like an old school cartoon I mean early days of color style cartoon. It was just a quick reminder and a release date but it is nice to see an anticipated game come out instead of being canceled(say like Scalebound, that game looked cool as shit). It’s basically a side scrolling shooter but it could be fun.

Crackdown 3, crackdown one was a fun game that we all liked til my 360 broke, Crackdown 2 came out and became the game that NOBODY talked about(I guess I could look it up) I didn’t get a chance to play it because my Xbox 360 finally died and I wanted a blu ray player so I got a PS3. The action proposes to be more over the top and they have PROMISED fully destructible environments, it has a release date now so lets see if they can deliver. And with Terry Crews as one of the voice actors you know you will be constantly hyped up, as you can see in the trailer he is having way too much fun in his shiny outfit. Yall den gave TC a big gun, a microphone and told him go HAM smh it’s like they want a Cole Train in Crackdown 3. Come on now I know as you level up so does your gear “Step up your Boom” though, have they not seen an Old Spice commercial? (more…)


Xbox One X? XOX tired of the Bone jokes are we Microsoft?


Not that the term Xbone X won’t become a thing, cause it probably will, looks sweet though. And yes, yes I know how game fanboys are people are gonna be all about “specs mean nada, what about the games” welp as Phil announced 22 exclusives with double X enhanced experiences(Hmm the XX I like it, almost porno graphic yup they had to see this coming). Now to be fair, I got so bored trying to wait for the conference to start that I missed the beginning of the show so I watched someone else’s live stream and wound it back. I wanted to make sure I got the console name right before I started Blogging about it. SO the important shit:

The Xbox One X is smaller(it’s barely larger than the controller I guess they got tired of the SIZE comments cause people only like their Dicks, Tits, Asses and TV’s big smh), it looks sleeker, comes in an almost either matte black or else Gun Metal Gray. It is also Launching as a Scorpio(IE between October 22 and November 21), they didn’t keep the name but at least they dropped it around the right time. I know I am currently watching the mixer stream, but they are dropping these exclusives like crazy, a new Metro(which I will get into detail with later), Forza 7, Deep Rock Galactic, State of Decay 2, The Darwin Project, okay and now they are talking about a minecraft update. It almost looks like Microsoft is saying “take your claims of 4k gaming not being possible and our lack of games along with your PS4 Pro, without a 4k bluray player even though Sony makes it, turn that sum bitch sideways and shove it straight up your ass. (more…)