When I get my head on straight I'll tell ya


The first official “shiny head” day of 2017

Eikichi is a dick, yes this is the only way this post can begin. Way back in 07 or 08 when I just got back from Atlanta, pre marital collapse, I returned of course with much shorter hair. When I left in 06 I had past my shoulder locks and when I came back I basically had a low easily maintained fro. The problem with the easily maintained fro was of course it wasn’t my locks, and I didn’t want to go through the relocating process again. So after a good year of letting it grow out, looking scruffy as hell and then trimming it back I had a “fuck it” day.

Now I don’t remember how close to eye patch week “fuck it” day was but I know I grabbed some clippers, went to a mirror and shaved every inch off the top of my head. Now everyone else had a normal reaction: nice cut, you look good, that’s different but no, not Eikichi his ass screams out “Señor Shiny Head”because he’s a 5’8 3/4” DICK and has for the most part screamed it out every mid to late March ever since because that’s about the time of year when I finally shave my head because the weather is warm enough for me to no longer worry about “head colds.”  Read the rest of this page »

My full thoughts on the Deadpool 2 teaser

I mentioned it on the Ponderings but lets get into detail about it, because it was fucking awesome. You are walking it to what is most likely Fox’s version of either Skid Row OR Hell’s Kitchen(because technically in Marvel Hell’s Kitchen now called Clinton is the worst part of the city), some random guy in a pair of jeans, boots, and a hoodie is walking down the street with a backpack on. Out of no where you hear muffled music, and then two guys arguing as one is robbing the other. What happens next is a good 48 seconds of absolute stupidity. “Motherfuckers” are dropping left and right, the thief tells his current victim, “Give me your wallet Motherfucker!” Wade (with St. Elmos fire blasting from his headphones) says, “Not on my watch Motherfucker” and then, inexplicably Wade runs to a phone booth, a PHONE BOOTH. Bruh why? Like dude everyone knows who Deadpool is, Wade W. Wilson with his lasagna faced ass.

Of course once he gets into the phone booth the ICONIC Superman music starts playing because yup, Deadpool is trolling Superman. Wade pulls off his backpack, starts pulling his clothes off and his costume on. And this isn’t a fade to black moment, no no you get to see ass cheeks pressed against the opaque glass where if you wish to look away you can see the words “Nathan Summers is coming” written in red on top of the booth OR you can look at the theater in the background which is cheekily playing Logan cause why not. Supposedly it says hope in this trailer somewhere but I was too busy listening to the background convo, which I won’t ruin for you but yes it is up to Deadpool level ridiculousness. Read the rest of this page »

i.Con or the app/wearable combo that proves how long and how many strokes

Have you ever had that moment, you are at a party and a jilted lover walks up(or one night stand for you Dude Bros) and as a SLIGHTLY drunken argument ensues the discussion of your sexual prowess or lack there of becomes the topic of discussion? Do you want to have wearifiable proof of how well your soldier performed? Do you want to prove that you might not have a foot long but you do have a mouthful? Why do I have a device for you, that’s right the i.Con Smart condom.

Don’t look at me like that, I didn’t invent this shit. I don’t even know how and when somebody decided that we needed a smart watch for our schlongs but it is on it’s way. A British company is making a condom add-on(who we kidding, anybody who buys this unless the condom is required ain gonna buy one they’ll just pop the i.Con on). From the article this bad boy tracks:

  • Calories burnt during sexual intercourse – or what any other smart watch calls random dynamic workout.
  • Total number of thrusts – I mean if you need proof you aren’t a 2, 7, or 15 pump chump. Maybe you want to test The Mac Man’s 50 pumps theory
  • Frequency – Because who doesn’t want to brag about how many times they’ve fucked
  • Total Duration – Did you really cum 2 minutes ago and keep stroking or are you still champion lover
  • Girth Measurement – Hey “eating a fat dick” is not just a great insult anymore, folks actually want it on the menu
  • Speed and average velocity of thrusts – Are you a slow roller or a jack rabbit, this app will tell
  • Different Positions – was it REALLY 23 positions in that one night stand Baby
  • Average Skin Temp – Did you serve her a hot cock or was it really lukewarm, room temp, make chilly.

Read the rest of this page »

Throwback Thursday(Non Traditional)

Usually for throwback thursday I dig up an old post I was working on, find the last date it was edited, add it to the title and viola throwback thursday post. Unfortunately I have been finishing posts up(for the most part). So this week I am going to grab a post from “Primal’s Ponderings” now I WAS going to grab one of my more popular posts from there and say tada, with a little bit of extra put in for flourish over here on the press. But instead I think I am going to revisit one of my “movies I want to see made posts” in honor of one of them coming out this year. So here it is

Justice League

This is actually a 2 parter, since this is BEFORE I learned a decent pagination technique for blogger. And trust me it could have been a few pages long I just went into the basics of the “core 6” so to speak: Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, Martian Manhunter, Green Lantern, and The Flash. Now sometimes Green Arrow is on this list, some may wish to add Red Tornado or one of the Hawks. I also think that as they tend to be a “catch all” you could go the Justice League Unlimited route and just add everybody switching up pieces as needed. This is of course about the Movies, not the cartoons though and even the live action TV shows because we have had them do both the All Male Justice League on Smallville and they APPEAR to be assembling the Junior Justice League AKA Young Justice on The CW’s current run of TV shows. Read the rest of this page »

The Open Beta for Ghost Recon: Wildlands

So there is a new Ghost Recon coming out(hey they blew the dust off Rainbow Six so why not) it is set in Bolivia going after a drug lord. Excuse me, I am acting like you know this game: Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon: Wildlands. In the middle of last generations console wars(Ps3, Xbox 360, and yeah it was just them lol) a bunch of Tom Clancy games were release by Ubisoft among them were:

  • Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell
  • Tom Clancy’s Ghost Recon
  • Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six
  • Tom Clancy’s Endwar
  • Tom Clancy’s H.A.W.X.

Most of these games were set in “the modern era” I have that in quotes because it mostly meant cold war to present(which at that time would have been the mid 2000’s) and took you through a lot of detailed and varied environments. The Rainbow Six series took place in mostly urban/populated environments while Ghost Recon tended to be battlefield/wide open areas where cover was usually vegetation and team based strategy was at a premium. The games in bold were my favorites, and some might wonder how is that different from Battlefield(wide open spaces) and Call of Duty(urban/populated environs with lots of team based strategy). That is simple, prior to the success of the Rainbow 6 series Call of Duty tended to be set in word war II or at least have World War II style weapons and action and Battlefield as well. Now there is nothing wrong with historical fighting games, but Tom Clancy games made use of modern technology and modern weapons. Read the rest of this page »

BardicBlogger’s advice on Focal Characters

People read for many reasons; to be entertained, to imagine, to learn, to be challenged and many more reasons. The focal character or characters are the people who lead your reader. The story is theirs. It is their perspective that often shapes the way readers experience the story. They are the focus point. The Focal […]

via Focal Characters – Who Leads Your Story? — bardicblogger

Primal’s “Are you gone eat yo Cornbread” moment

It’s been a shitty day, the ending of which soared the the very top of Shit Mountain, planted a flag, and yodeled in victory. But, I don’t want to talk about that, I still have to decompress. What I will talk about is LUNCH, yes we went to lunch today around 12 pm. Wasn’t nothing special about lunch, just went to McDonald’s ordered a Grand Mac combo, Medium, Spotted Eikichi, got my cup and tried to walk away and then, it happened.

Now understand, people asking you for shit FRESH out the line in Mickey D’s ain new.

  1. Hey man can I get a quarter
  2. Hey Big man can ya spot me
  3. You got any change
  4. Could you buy me
  5. hey can I have some of your

People infringing on your meal time peace of mind is so expected most of us either ignore them out of hand, give them a polite no, or an extremely stern fuck off. But that’s when you hear NORMAL REQUESTS, and I am sure plenty of shit can be added the to five I have up there. But this shit was new Read the rest of this page »

This is NOT a mic drop Moment

Dear Verizon,

The FUCK is THIS, no seriously how you gonna not only drop A mic but THREE  mics not a month after you dropped this dumbass bombshell. Yes I know it wasn’t that long ago cause I ain been blogging again on here but since the beginning of 2017 and yup looky here this is me COMMENTING on the very foolish nature of the damn “5 GB for 55 bucks cause that’s all your need or really use any fucking way you whiny babies” of the commercial. Seriously who is in your ad and marketing department? Are they going through some family issues, did you turn it over to your young intern department and they really haven’t found their voice yet so they just say whatever comes to mind, cause in a month you went from “Who the fuck needs unlimited data, take this 5 fucking GB’s and pay us our overage fees and like it” to “FINALLY UNLIMITED DATA has come to VERIZON” like that previous shit ain never happen.

I mean I heard that T-mobile clowned you on Twitter, and I see Sprint having a FIELD DAY with that ass in their commercials. I mean it’s one thing to steal your old friend the “Can you hear me now” dude, but to  then make a shitload of videos showing peoples data running out because: everybody data run out we are data whores. Read the rest of this page »


There is a rumor that comedian Bill Bellamy in a recent interview probably promoting his new show said “BOOTY is not a gift,” since you know it was close to Valentine’s Day and of course everyone knows that both men and women look for gifts for folks. I am sure there were PLENTY of people who agreed with Mr. Bellamy I mean he is a comedy legend, had a few movies back in the day and even some decent cameos BUT Bill Misspoke. It ISN’T that Booty is not a gift, it’s the TYPE of booty that makes it the gift as well as the exoticness of said booty, and I endeavor to explain exactly what I mean.

Now let me be clear, I am in no way saying the Bill doesn’t have a point. I mean if it’s just some roll over “look we both tired lets just get these pumps in and go to bed,” sex no that is not a present nope not at all. That ain even Walmart level booty, that’s like the gas station a block from the house, dieing rose, with a half deflated mylar balloon type booty. You realize you fucked up and forgot to reserve my REAL BOOTY and just throwing something at me so I can’t complain that you ain give me shit type booty. So yes, to the ladies out there(or Men) who came home to their spouse and just dropped an unwritten on envelope, a dead flower, and maybe some half melted chocolate on the table with a half-hearted “happy valentine’s day” we gone discuss how you SHOULD have done better, with the TYPES of Gift Booty you could have given.

Read the rest of this page »

All this for a car and a puppy

Abram Tarasov is having a bad day. His nephew Iosef had to be the dumbest fuck on the planet, he not only killed a dog, he stole the dog owners car and brought it here. Now normally Abram a Russian mob boss wouldn’t give a fuck, unfortunately this car is a 1969 Ford Mustang Mach 1 the car of the one and only John FUCKING WICK. A car which John Wick is most likely on his way to retrieve, for which Abram is trying to liquidate everything he has because if he doesn’t have it in his possession MAYBE John Wick won’t find a way to kill him with something painful and unnecessary.

What Abram doesn’t know is that John Wick is about to drive out of his garage with his beloved car… That is until Abram’s men decide to piss John off and stop him from retrieving his property to which John decides: Fuck it, EVERYBODY has to die. John Wick proceeds to spend the next 20 minutes fishtailing people into walls, running people over, slamming peoples heads into cars, breaking their necks, punching them in the throat and then some big bulky Russian tosses John to the ground and walks up to him like “I ain scared of you Boogey Man” only for John to shoot him in BOTH FUCKING KNEES.

Ladies and Gentleman:John which had that gun on him the entire time, beat the fuck out of multiple people who had guns, with his bare heads, like PAINFULLY fucked them up and he had a gun on him the whole fucking time. Like, “yes I could swiftly put you out of your misery, but you assholes fucked up my care so NOW I got to whip as many of yall asses as I can because I am a little miffed at the damage to my car.”

So AFTER the 20 minutes is up, John Walks upstairs, opens Abrams door, pours 2 cups of vodka, and says in fluent Russian “Peace,” to which Abram replies: Can a Man like you EVER know peace. Abram, shut the fuck up, drink the vodka and live muffuka. Read the rest of this page »