When I get my head on straight I'll tell ya

Posts tagged “c’mon son

Obviously one does not just Dare Arby’s


Dear Arby’s

The Fuck Is THIS! No, no this is a valid question to ask. I mean we ain even gone get to the fact that they have the words NUTRITIONAL and INFORMATION at the bottom of this picture no no, that is to be tabled to a later discussion. I asked, and the Lady behind the counter said, “the sandwich has EVERY MEAT WE SERVE on it.” Not that I was thinking of ordering it, my affairs aren’t in order, and I personally don’t want to die 5 minutes after eating it nor do I feel like eating salad for the next 6 weeks to get all of that meat out of my body. I mean let’s look at this ignorant shit you have:

  1. Pepper Bacon(of course it starts with bacon, all cakes must be iced)
  2. Roast Beef(cause it’s Arby’s it’s their thing)
  3. Cheddar Cheese
  4. Angus Beef(cause they want this to be a good and flavorful death)
  5. Smoked Brisket
  6. Pit Smoked Ham(I think they believe smoke is a food group
  7. Swiss Cheese(technically at this point we are at Dagwood Level)
  8. Roast Turkey(cause yes both Turkey AND BEEF can be roasted
  9. Chicken Tenders(because if the only thing fried/greasy on this sandwich was bacon they FAILED as sandwich creators *shrug*)
  10. A Star Cut Bun(to solidify locking your bowels up)

This sandwich is served with a BACKHAND from your cardiologist. Your nutritionist will judge you for 6 months after eating this sandwich. This Sandwich looks like they were dared to put a Subway footlong on a Kaiser/Burger Roll. This sandwich looks like Punishment for coming in last at the strongman competition, “there is not enough meat in your system, we must add more meat to make your stronger!” This sandwich looks like it comes with a waiver you must sign to guarantee that you were of good health before you ate the sandwich and that you death within a week of consumption is in no way Arby’s fault. (more…)


i.Con or the app/wearable combo that proves how long and how many strokes


Have you ever had that moment, you are at a party and a jilted lover walks up(or one night stand for you Dude Bros) and as a SLIGHTLY drunken argument ensues the discussion of your sexual prowess or lack there of becomes the topic of discussion? Do you want to have wearifiable proof of how well your soldier performed? Do you want to prove that you might not have a foot long but you do have a mouthful? Why do I have a device for you, that’s right the i.Con Smart condom.

Don’t look at me like that, I didn’t invent this shit. I don’t even know how and when somebody decided that we needed a smart watch for our schlongs but it is on it’s way. A British company is making a condom add-on(who we kidding, anybody who buys this unless the condom is required ain gonna buy one they’ll just pop the i.Con on). From the article this bad boy tracks:

  • Calories burnt during sexual intercourse – or what any other smart watch calls random dynamic workout.
  • Total number of thrusts – I mean if you need proof you aren’t a 2, 7, or 15 pump chump. Maybe you want to test The Mac Man’s 50 pumps theory
  • Frequency – Because who doesn’t want to brag about how many times they’ve fucked
  • Total Duration – Did you really cum 2 minutes ago and keep stroking or are you still champion lover
  • Girth Measurement – Hey “eating a fat dick” is not just a great insult anymore, folks actually want it on the menu
  • Speed and average velocity of thrusts – Are you a slow roller or a jack rabbit, this app will tell
  • Different Positions – was it REALLY 23 positions in that one night stand Baby
  • Average Skin Temp – Did you serve her a hot cock or was it really lukewarm, room temp, make chilly.

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